When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
