Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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