I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
