she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
