His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
