Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
not ubering you a puppy
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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