So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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