hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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