Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
