Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She's the barista slut.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
