my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
