How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
