youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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