Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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