foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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