sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
