Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
