If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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