me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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