my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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