i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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