he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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