Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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