Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
