how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize