tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
