I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
