Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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