After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
