My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
