Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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