I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
