You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
