I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The Olympian is in my bed
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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