Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
