im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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