Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
