I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
