My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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