He uses pillows to masturbate.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
