honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
