YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
