I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize