so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
