Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
