there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
