i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
