I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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