I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
