smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
