Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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