Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
