If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
worst night to have a conscience
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
