she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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