when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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