he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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