Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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