Midget sex pt 2 tonight
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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