walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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