Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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