The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
