Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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