Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
