On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
not ubering you a puppy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
