did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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