Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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