I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
