i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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