i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize